Epic Win is not exactly a video game, but it kind of feels like one.  It takes the typical, boring, “to-do list” and adds gamification. Personally, I find that it gives me a little bit more motivation to get some tasks done.

You start by picking one of several pre-made characters.  Next, put in some tasks that you want to complete.  Those tasks can be anything you want.  After you complete the task, make sure to indicate that in Epic Win.  This will help your character to level up, and will move that character closer to obtaining loot.

If you choose, you can have Epic Win post a Tweet for you on Twitter every time you obtain loot.  I decided not to do that.

Part of the reason is because the loot image shows what task you completed to get that loot. Does anyone really want a running total of how many blogs I write in a given day?  I doubt it. That being said, those kind of tweets could earn you some compliments on Twitter – which might motivate you to finish your other tasks.

The screenshot above shows the map.  The yellow line shows where my character started at that day and how far she walked after I completed a task.  The box ahead of her on the path indicates that she will get some loot when she reaches that point.


There are several avatars that you can choose from – but only one is obviously female.  She is named Yolanda Heartbreak and is described as a “Warrior Priestess”.  Players can change their avatar anytime they want to.  You have to level up each “alt” individually.

Level 1: Miss Management

Level 2: Seeker of Employment

Level 3: Wench of Undesirable Tasks

Level 4: Wench of Gainful Employment

Level 5: Maiden of Well Made Plans

Level 6: Maiden of Juggled Priorities

Level 7: Maiden of Iron Maiden

Level 8: Mistress of Task Submission

Level 9: Mistress of Task Domination

Level 10: Senior Mistress of Multitasking

Level 11: Lady of Motivational Arts

I will update this part of the blog when I reach new levels.

When your character reaches a point in the path where there is a loot symbol, the game lets you know by putting a chest on the screen.  There are different categories of loot.  I’ve noticed that it is possible to get loot that you have already collected.  The drop seems to be randomized.

Each time you earn loot, the game will show you which task it was that got you the last little bit of the way to where the loot icon was.  I have intentionally taken out that part in the screenshots below.  Some of my tasks are job related, and it seemed best to remove that information.

Miniscule Money Pouch: This money pouch, while barely bigger than a thimble, has a nice cord fastening to stop your coins falling out.

Glare of Disapproval: For when you don’t want to actually harm your foe, but just let them know it’s really-not-on.

Flask of Eternal Carbonation: “The Everfizzer” to some, you can leave the lid off and it will never run out of bubbles.  Until you spill it.

Pine Scented Satchell: The crab paste and apple core at the bottom have somehow mated and provided the nutrients for sprouting a small woodland glade.

Greenfingers: Make your foes’ grassy paws fail to grasp anything with conviction.

Druids of The Fox God: The Almanac for Fox God Druids between the years 1785 and 1790. Essential literature for any Fox God Druid enthusiast!

Tepid Latte of Faint Pleasure: Fresh from the hour-old vats of goat milk at your ubiquitous high-street coffee shop, you drink this more out of habit than of pleasure.

Wolverine Pelt: A pelt fit for a superhero!  You are so masculine, so heroic, that only the hide of a giant weasel can do justice to your tumescence.

Bopty & Mossfin and the Stockade of Arenus: Bopty & Mossfin have travelled in time! Join them in the fabled city as Arenus as they attempt to uncover the secret of the city’s mysterious disappearance after a particularly contentious game of tennis.

Flask of Spiced Elixir: A synonym for alcoholic Chai Tea, it keeps you cool when you’re hot and hot when you’re not.

Romper Suit Of The Infinite Romp: Relive your pre-childhood with this stylish all-in-one armour, plated with Elven silver.

9 Inch Snails: Although this spell takes several hours to come into effect, its devastating slimy force is unrelenting.

Mr Spandex: Taunt your enemies by momentarily transforming into a crotch-stuffing, leotard-wearing pro-wrestling wannabe. Pelvic thrusting included.

Bullet of Silver Foil: Although dangerous when augmented with a blast of microwaves, this bullet lacks a bit of oomph for when squaring off against a more armoured foe.

Bullet of Silver Plate: Despite its broad surface area this silver platter can reach impressive speeds, and – when supporting a number of posh entrées –

Shirt of Double Cuffed Verisimilitude: Look smart and sharp and woo the girls and/or boys with this unnecessary use of

Pocket Calculator of The Apocalypse: Confidently calculate the cataclysm with this portable number cruncher.  Ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the jodhpurs of any one of the Four Horseman.

Scholar’s Quill: A blank page is transformed into a canvas for the musings and theories of the ideal dinner party guest, if you keep this magnificent ink-applier on your person.

How To Drain Your Flagon: Drinking for beginners.

Ill Fitting Tunic of Ye High Street Shoppe: A nicely enough crafted garment that provides a modest intersection between potato sack and the Emperor’s clothes.

Great Dane Psychology: A timeless work that blends canine intellectual experiments with Hamlet-style soliloquy and exposition.

Bewitche pour elle: Containing essence of Sea Harpy, this enchanting perfume will prove irresistible to any hero, pageboy, or evil prince regent enslaving the townspeople for his own nefarious means.

The Ballard Of The Whimkipper: It is said that even recalling the meter of this epic – yet terrible – poem can kill, so make sure you recite it terribly.

Roomy Money Pouch: A leather money pouch with space for enough coins to buy both Christmas and birthday presents.

Solid Silver Bullet: This fine item of ammunition would stop any lycanthropy attack, as they are silver through and through.  Unfortunately this makes them too heavy to shot and must be flung at the enemy with a flailing limb.

Pet Flea: A faithful companion which in what it lacks as a noble steed more than makes up for when one is accused of having headlice.

Myrrh Infused Satchell: The Bag-Elves have been collecting the sap from the copse in the secret pocket – now shipping internationally at competitive rates!

Eureka!: Make your suggestions look even more inspired by casting this temporary lightbulb atop your crown.

Golden Cutlass of the Seven Seas: A truly swashbuckling piece of weaponry that proves authentic characters of the sea don’t wear eyeliner.

Someone Else’s Latte of Accidental Thieving: There’s been a mix-up at the collection point – but this one is so much nicer than what you ordered.

Wax On Wax Off: Unleash ancient Japanese martial arts techniques on your grandmother’s upper lip.

Fox-News: News…on foxes. Most of it is how they keep going through my bins.  In fact, hunt them all now!  TALLY HO!

Thick Mittens of Cold Resistance: Layers of loft insulation tightly packed into an attractive pair of mittens will make your heating bill increase but your hands’ discomfort fall noticeably.

Double Rainbow: Conjure two rainbows above your enemies – the mere sight of which will curdle their minds with glee.

Musing of a Forum Troll: Hilarious anecdotes of people who argue with other people in public places. Buckle up for a ride in the ROFLcopter.

The To-do List: Someone else’s to-do list. They appear to need a new goat, to remember to renew a subscription to Berzerker, and to wash up the vials.

The Cake Is A Lie: Lose 17 pounds a week by changing your diet with this one simple tip!

Mittens of Cold Resistance: Fashioned from the oily hide of a mackerel, these gloves are not particularly warm, but they will shine the sun’s rays into the eyes of foes if angled correctly.

Anti-Shiver Quiver: An enchanted quiver that allows its user to grasp arrows with reliability, regardless of the level of peril they may be in.

Beautiful Blunt Axe of Form Over Function: Lovely, transcendent, stunning are just some words that spring to mind.  Also, useless.

Gnarled Mittens of Cold Resistance: Incorporating a highly powerful pottery film in each palm, these epically fiery gauntlets can defrost an ice lolly from 100 paces.

Season Finale: An intelligence boosting spell that allows you to answer (nearly) every question that has ever been posed. Just don’t expect to know what ‘the numbers’ mean ok?

Spyglass of Ultimate Perving: An enchanting scope for surveying the battlefields in far-off lands. More commonly used to survey the private quarters of foreign maidens and well-formed gentleman.

State of the Art Map: A beautifully written, embossed map that details every nook and cranny of the lands, in an effort to make you know where you are like the back of your hand.

Exquisite Tunic of Ye Vintage Shoppe: A tunic tailored to perfection of all who wear it, and weaved from the finest silks in the land.

Leather Pocket Protector: A stylish and co-ordinated addition to your leather pockets, over 5 cows graciously sacrificed their lives to protect your pens.

Polished Crystal Skull: An ornament so magnificent it could be used as the focal part of the opening ceremony of a high class leisure center.

Condescending Shake of Head: Nothing tells your foe “You’re nothing” like a slow shake of the head whilst looking to the heavens.

Purple Rain: Summon a powerful monsoon of cherries, blueberries and raspberries that sweep aside your enemies while giving them 3 of their 5 a day.

Misty Iced Gem: A frosty rock of moderate value that has been known to leave some recipients a little cold.

Steel Pocket Protector: None shall pass! Nothing will be able to penetrate this pocket fortress, not even you! So don’t accidentally use it for storage or anything ridiculous like that.

Forgetful Spell: Casting this hex will free a slot in your magical armoury. Can also be achieved by falling on one’s head or downing 9 pints of Eyeblind Ale.

Vintage Golden Chalice: A24 carat, jewel encrusted goblet that is so beautiful it would actually be a scandal to fill with even the finest of the Royal wines.

Balrog pour homme: The most powerful deodorant known to man, demon or swamptroll. Dry underarms and underwings, 24 hour protection guaranteed.

Whistle of Summoning: Mouth-operated joy communicator used excitedly while giving the illusion of holding both a big fish and a little fish.

Vintage Sorceror’s Staff: A polished willow staff used to summon impressive magic spells and pole vault over obstructions.

Noble Quill: A quill perfect for those that ‘could have got a 2:1, honest, my Leige, but I was finding myself at Jester’s college as well as getting an education’. 

The Root of All Problems: Your foe will be rooted to the spot – literally – as he is agonizingly transformed into a majestic Redwood right before your very eyes.

Face Cream of Age – 10: Years of questing can hang heavily upon your visage. Wipe them away with this creamy elixir.

Flask of Soured Cat’s Milk: Suckled from the putrid teat of Sheba, this milk is high in protein and ick factor.

Big Book of Stuff: A thick book with yellow pages, used to gain height for kissing under misteltoe.

Armour of the Piranna: A suit of armour that allows its wearer to attack with devastating force, as long as your enemy is in a river, lake or (at a push) a paddling pool. 

Cracked Ice Gem: A rare stone that is popular with collectors and jewellers, despite its seemingly patchy facade.

Undercover Shrubber: A spell that envelops the user in an authentic hedge coat, perfect for moving in outdoor environments without being detected.

Shirt of Built In Trousers: Why put on a shirt when you can put on a shirt and trousers? Why dress twice when you can dress once?

The Stout Book of Pointless Achievements: Released annually so one can learn (again) pointless trivia on which Wizard has the most intelligent beard, and the highest number of goblins to ever ride a horse from Aberdeen to Bracknell.

The Dead Sea: Unleash a torrent of oily, stagnant water upon the heads of your foes.

Honeycomb Paperclip of Supreme Organization: Statuesque, Magnificent. Gleaming with arrogance. All have been used to describe this five star fastening device.

Armour of the Llama: A suit of armour that, granted, offers poor protection from weaponry, but is both warm and cuddly, so try snuggling your foes to death.

El Libro Binary of Central America: Juan Juan Juan Juan Zero Juan Zero Juan Juan Juan Zero Zero Zero Zero Juan.

Tattoo of The Empty Inbox: Commemorate that joyous day of the Empty-Inbox for the rest of your natural life and beyond, with this charming piece of low-rent skin work. Complete with your name, spelled wrong.

Perfect Iced Gem: A dazzlingly beautiful jewel that is sought after by merchants throughout the kingdom.

Vile of Centaur’s Blood: A drink that combines a refreshingly crisp taste with frequently beneficial side effects.

Waterslide of Excessive Force: This hex creates a wet and wild plastic tube that can fling a group of four, at a velocity quick enough to dislodge some, if not all, of their ill fitting swimwear.

Merchant love-letter: A perfumed letter of romantic intent, written in red wine with a pastry-brush.

Regal love-letter: A calligraphic letter of romantic intent, written in flowing prose on perfume scented calfskin.

Helmet of Unrelenting Splendour: A flamboyant crown-like helmet that will strike fear into the eyes of your enemies and provide a centrepiece for hamlets and citadels alike.

Flask of Eyeblind Ale: One sip of this will make your nose hairs drop out, so imagine how many aeroplanes a whole flask could power.

Disappointed Tutting: You’re not angry, you’re just disappointed.

Bloodrench: A Visitors Guide: The daylight sights & riveting nightlife of infamous Bloodrench city. A popular location for lovers of daylight and rivets.

Ugly Blunt Axe of Function Over Form: It’s hardly a looker, but it does the attempts to do the job, at least. But fails.

Gargantuan Money Sack: A cavernous money pouch that effectively acts as an offshore bank account, except that is attached to your hip. What will they think of next?!

Sharp Axe: Finally, an axe that does axey things, regardless of the aesthetics.

Waldo’s Guide to Enochlophobia: A handy self-help guide for those who have a fear of crowds. Do not read if you also have a fear of stripey clothing.

Tattoo of Incarceration: A dated piece of barbed wire inked shakily onto the arm by someone who appears to have been on horseback at the time.

Titanium Paperclip of Sheaf Management: More gripping than a bulldog eating your ankle, it is lightweight, practical, and won’t offer advice at how to write a letter.

Latte of Ultimate Scolding: With milk that was boiled, frothed and aerated at the center of the Sun, the creamy goodness of this drink will go down in history, as well as strip the flesh from your oesophagus.

Pet Spider: Dog? 4 legs. Griffin? 4 legs. Pegasus? 4 legs? (I’m not sure either.) Spider! 8 LEGS! Just be careful at bathtime, ok?

Face Cream of Vitality +5: The only face-cream on the market to contain Vitagobulons (TM), a revolutionary fiction which can speed up regeneration by up to 50%.

Dank Smelling Satchell: There’s an old apple core, half a spilled latte and a smashed jar of Crab Paste in there somewhere, nestling at the bottom of the pocket you always forget about.

Large Hadron Collider: There’s nothing more satisfying than colliding a mortal enemy with a large hadron. For outdoor use only, preferably in an area the size of Switzerland. Small hadrons need not apply.

Epic Win is a post written by Jen Thorpe on Book of Jen and is not allowed to be copied to other sites.

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