Diablo III celebrated its third anniversary with a pun filled event that took the “there is no cow level” concept and ran with it. It was announced in a blog post titled Debunking the Cowspiracy which advised citizens of Sanctuary to stay calm… the rumors of an invasion of “homicidal heifers” was nothing more than a clever hoax.
The special event ran from May 15 through May 21, 2015. It occurred while Season 3 was live, but was not limited to seasonal play. All players had the chance to find a cow-like “goblin” (for lack of a better term) that would spawn a portal into the “Not the Cow Level”. Personally, I found this event to be hysterically funny! The screenshots you see in this blog were taken on May 17, 2015.
There was no way to know where a special “cow goblin” would appear. What was known is that it would only appear “in the world”, which to me meant that I should get out of the Nephalem Rifts and pick a random place to kill monsters in for a while. This strategy worked out for me. Ultimately, though, it was a random occurrence and there wasn’t anything a player could do to increase his or her chances of finding the special “goblin”.
The “cow goblin” was not the real name for this rare creature. It is a Herald to the Queen (and it is “Hoofin’ It”).
This particular Herald to the Queen made a bad decision and ended up stuck at the entrance to Cathedral Level 2. Seems he cannot pass through it, and this appeared to come as a surprise to him. This worked out for me because it is much easier to kill a “goblin” after they manage to trap themselves somewhere. It was the first Herald of the Queen I’d seen and I was motivated to kill it and discover the “Not the Cow Level”.
Scroll over the portal left by the dead Herald to the Queen, and it says: Leads to a place that does not exist. The Burning Hells are not responsible for events that transpire there. If you claim to have been to this place, you will be called a liar. Void where prohibited.
Go through this portal and you end up in…. a place that is called “Not the Cow Level”. I found this name to be amusing!
“Where does this portal go? Not the cow level!”
This area has tons of Infernal Bovines that are ready to attack the player. It also has a multitude to chests and shrines. I ended up with so much loot that I had to portal back to town more than once, empty my bag, and return. I found this event to be incredibly fun and I’m glad that Blizzard put it in the game as the third anniversary event.
What follows are some of my best screenshots from “Not the Cow Level”.
Pann, Patron of the Mad, has Frozen Pulse, Desecrator, Electrified, and Illusionist. He brought some Infernal Bovine Shamans with him.
A pack of Infernal Bovine Shaman. They had Avenger, Thunderstorm, Desecrator, and Molten.
The Cow Queen – Bovine Potentate
Shortly after this screenshot was taken, I managed to defeat the Cow Queen.
Scattered around the “Not the Cow Level” were lots of Slain Farmers. Kick them, and a fortune in gold appears! Should we assume that they were gold farmers? I mean, there aren’t any crops in this area, and it seems like the cows are sentient…
This pack of Infernal Bovines had Electrified, Avenger, Fire Chains, and Poison Enchanted.
Legion, Crippler of Princes has Orbiter, Plagued. Jailer, and Reflects Damage.
If you look closely, you can see that some of the health globes are in the shape of a steak.
One of many trips back to town to unload a full bag of loot. If you look closely, the portal says it goes to “Not the Cow Level”.
Zarhym the Thorned has Reflects Damage, Desecrator, Poison Enchanted, and Waller
I found the Ghost of the Cow King! Speak to the Ghost of the Cow King and it starts an event called “Tipping Point”. Cows… tipping… cow tipping… lol.
Ghost of the Cow King: Time to get moooving! Haha. Oh, yes.
Slay the Infernal Bovine Herd!
The reward for completing the event was four big chests to open.
The most interesting loot I got from the four chests was Plans for Guardian’s Jeopardy.
I only managed to find the “Not a Cow Level” once while the event was going on. Part of the reason was because I’d been focusing on Nephalem Rifts and it seems that the “Herald to the Queen” didn’t appear in there. The other reason was I didn’t have a ton of time to play Diablo III. If I had happened to find the portal to the “Not a Cow Level” more than once – I would have happily gone in again and battled the Infernal Bovines some more!
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