Dear online followers,

I’m not in a good place right now.

I got sick on Christmas due to overload of allergens, and haven’t managed to recover from that yet.  The upcoming spring pollen season is probably going to start in the next couple of weeks, and it will affect me very negatively.  (It has for the past two years.)

Right now, the news is all about Congress voting to repeal the Affordable Care Act.  The way I’m able to afford health insurance right now is because I get a subsidy from the Affordable Care Act to help pay for my monthly health insurance premiums.  This allows me to afford to see my rheumatologist (about every three months or so).

It helps me to pay for my Epi-Pen when it expires.  Thankfully, there is a less expensive version of it on the market now – and I will be getting that one instead of the one from the incredibly greedy Mylan company.  Oh, wait.  I mean I’ll be getting that one if I can afford to see a doctor who will prescribe it for me.

If Congress repeals the ACA without a replacement, I’m screwed.  I won’t be able to afford to see my rheumatologist ever again. Specialists are expensive. When my rheumatoid arthritis gets worse – and it will –  I want to be able to afford to see my rheumatologist and to afford the treatment that I will need when my disease gets worse.

My grandmother had rheumatoid arthritis and could not afford treatment.  I know full well what’s coming.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is that watching so many members of Congress (most, if not all, Republicans) gleefully attempting to repeal the ACA – without any information at all about what they will replace it with – is incredibly disturbing.  It feels like a personal attack.  When they say they want to repeal the ACA, what I hear is “We want sick people who are poor to suffer and die.”

I’ve been in a lot of physical pain these past few weeks due to my rheumatoid arthritis, my fibromyalgia, and my severe allergies.  I’m sleeping too much, not eating well, and not much is helping with the physical pain I’m experiencing.  I’m exhausted (even more than usual).  At my best, I have a very limited amount of energy.  I literally cannot fight against what the worst people in the government are about to do to me (and so many other people).

Right now, I’m feeling a mixture of the-rage-of-a-thousand-burning-suns and the first signs that I’m heading into a deep depression.  My symptoms get worse when I’m upset – and of course I’m upset the GOP trying to prevent me from accessing the health care I need.

In short, if I seem a bit distant lately, it’s because I’m not in a good place right now.  You’ve no idea how many times I started to post something on Tumblr, or to write a Tweet, only to delete it before posting because it feels like there’s just point in trying to communicate anymore.  If I seem angry – well, angrier than usual – now you know why.

It’s very likely that the words I’ve somehow managed to compose in this post speak for plenty of other people who you are following on social media, too.

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