Today, I finally got an answer regarding my Social Security disability case.  I got denied.  They made me wait 75 days from when I had the hearing with the disability judge to tell me “no”.

In short, the disability judge denied my claim because I hadn’t been hospitalized for my severe allergies.  I got penalized because I’ve been super careful about everything I eat, touch, breath in, or otherwise encounter.  I got penalized for trying my best to stay alive.

The disability judge also denied my claim because, according to her, my diagnosed-by-a-specialist- rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia doesn’t count because I do some freelance writing work.

I got penalized for trying to work, even on days when I’m in a lot of pain and struggling, because I wanted to be able to pay the mortgage, to buy groceries, to pay for the acupuncture that my insurance doesn’t cover, and other things that keep me alive.  I started the disability process in 2014.  I could NOT afford to quit working, for an indefinite amount of time, to someday appease an coldhearted disability judge who was looking for any loophole to deny my claim.

The amount of work I am able to do as a writer puts me below poverty level.  It seems the disability judge, with her comfy government paycheck, and health insurance that the GOP won’t take away from her – doesn’t care about that.

Today I learned that I was right – they actually did want me to die so they could avoid having to help me.  All that time, effort, and stress that the disability process required of me was a complete waste of time and energy.

I am not going to bother appealing this denial.  There is no evidence that they will make a different decision next time around.  I’ve given them all the proof, including doctor’s notes, blood tests, allergy tests, and official diagnoses.  They don’t care – and filling out more paperwork won’t make them suddenly have compassion for me and the suffering I go through.

I’ve posted, on other forms of social media, that my disability claim got denied. Within minutes, two people I know mentioned that they know of other people who also got denied (when they should have been approved).  Social Security Disability is a scam and a lie.

The denial of my claim doesn’t make my three chronic, incurable, illness magically disappear.  I wish it would make the disability judge’s job disappear – but she won’t face any penalty for the harm she has caused me.

No help is coming.  I have no idea what to do with this mix of emotions this denial has left me with.  I’m too sick to get a “real job” and I’m not well enough to cram more writing work into my day.

Posted in Out of Spoons, Spoonie WritingTagged

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